Chris Ball is a loudmouthed smart-ass who still needs to be reminded to use "inside voices" and "restaurant behavior."  Since becoming roommates with Kellen again, he has been encouraged to work on and develop his comedy to include more than just dick jokes and fart humor, and has incurred multiple drunken ass-kickings at the hand of his meme-loving friend.  When people ask about his bruises, he just tells them that he fell down a flight of stairs, in order to avoid future beatings.  It is likely that Kellen is just jealous of the fact that Chris' bio picture is larger than his, but Chris insists on using a bio-pic to penis-size ratio.

Kellen Tyburski is a professional live-sound engineer and Sloth Meme enthusiast.  He has been picking on his best friend, Chris, and beating him up since the first grade.  No Life No Problem is an opportunity for him to showcase his skills in being able to set up microphones and record sound for at least one person.  Most importantly, what he lacks in penis size, he more than makes up for with a willingness to experiment and eagerness to please.

Sneak is a Tiger Salamander and the NLNP mascot.  He was originally purchased by Kellen for a community college book report, which further suggests that Kellen can actually read.